My Mental Disturbance from Medical Disorders

For almost 24 years, I have lived with guilt, which I think all Mothers go thru when faced with a medical disorder in one or more of their children. So far, over the years, I have hidden it well, learned to deal with my inner feelings, and haven't talked about it to too many people. I try not to dwell on what the future holds in store for my oldest daughter, and have always tried to be "up-beat" for her all these years. She has told me over the years that she is scared, and has asked "why" many times. I haven't had an answer, except in response I have told her no one is perfect in mind, body, or insides. She has accepted this for an answer, but as she has gotten older, she has many regrets which stems from her Kidney Disease. Most everyday, she is first on my prayer requests, and for years God has answered my prayers and I am so grateful for him listening and answering.

When my granddaughter was born, I insisted my daughter talk with her pediatrician, and explain what her sister was born with and ask for her to check Kiley, for Leslie's Reflux Nephropathy is hereditary, her specialists said when she was diagnosed. Melanie too had to be tested for it, thankfully she didn't have it. Finally in December, we had Ultra Sound and X-rays with dye in bladder test done. They didn't find any reflux. But the US found a ureter not quite right. Today we went for her 6 month US in hopes the ureter had fixed itself. The tech said there was no change in the look of it from 2 months ago. Now we wait for Ped. doc to call with her thoughts and suggestions as to who to see next, or if she consults with specialist to see if she may out grow it. So here my mind goes again on the roller coaster ride of worry. Steve and I are early 50's in age. Our older relatives didn't have monthly or annual doctor checkups. They only went to doctor when needed for illness or injuries. We really have no back ground history to go on, so we don't know who's side of the family had kidney problems. As our nieces and nephews have grown up, their seems to be a pattern of urinary tract infections in the girls, and kidney infections as well on Steve's side of the family. In noticing the pattern, we have alerted the family over the years about what our own daughter has and how important it is to have their children and grandchildren checked after birth to prevent irreparable damage. Most of the family were supportive of Leslie's surgery she went thru at age 4. So as children were born, they notified their docs of the chance, so far we have had "well" little ones born unto those younger generations.

Now I have to be concerned with my own little granddaughter and pray for the best doctors to get her thru this, and provide her with a healthy future. All the doctors we used have retired over the years, so I pray they passed on to the newer ones the same compassion and knowledge they possessed for me.