I often wonder why people contemplate things to death. I feel like I am watching a married beginning to end with one who is trying to think too much, the other trying to change and do everything the other wants just to hang on.
My theory is, say it, do it, learn from it, and get over it, when faced with problems and needing solutions. I am saddened that one party holds things inside, and has past hurts which attribute to letting things fester.
Expectations in life are such a let down when wanting another to conform to one persons way of thinking. As every individual is different, so are their brains, ways of life, how they perceive things they feel.
I took the time last night to sit down with one of the married couple, and explained how the color seen by the both of them isn't the same to each one. The color red can be a happy color to the eyes on one, but the color of drab to the other. All things in life is not taken with the same meaning, and unless we voice the difference in our thoughts, the other is unable to even try to see the color from the others eyes. Same with thoughts and expections in a marriage. If we don't talk, one will live the life of their ways and thoughts without regard to the other. I told them both, marriage is sharing, that means sharing the good and the bad. Open minds are required to live together. Closed minded, you might as well stay single so life goes your way, for your not ready to whole heartedly love someone, the way a marriage is to be.
Committment can't be made by one and not the other. Unless both are committed, a marriage won't last. I also asked them both to pray. God has his ways of making us see the light, when we start doubting ourselves and things around us. I didn't go into a big lecture with either one. But I hope I gave them both something to think about. Maybe some hints for a start to a closer relationship than they had.
So often lessons learned have a way of making us better people. For we win some, we loose some. Now I will wait to see if they are winners or loosers.